"Do you have your I.D. and insurance card?" The elderly volunteer asked from behind a large, white Formica covered, desk.
I handed her my cards.
"Okay let's see what brings you in today."she said as she clicked on the computer keyboard. "Oh I see. OK, ultrasounds get the purple folder. " The last sentence was more to herself than to me.
She handed me a purple folder with some papers and my cards attached by a paperclip to the cover. She asked that I wait in a chair until some one could process me. A few minutes later a woman in the office marked with a number two called my name.
I handed her my papers and took a seat across from her. She was silent for a few minutes. I stared at the various pictures of her dogs that plastered the wall next to her. "Ok" she finally spoke. "The paper says you need an ultrasound but it does not say where you need it."
"At the hospital." I joked, knowing that I was going to have to give some uncomfortable answers to questions.
She smirked. "I need to know so I can send you to the right area. There is no code on this paper to indicate the part of your body that needs an ultrasound."
I could feel my heart start to race. My palms became damp. I already had to have this conversation when I called for an appointment. This would be the fifth person I had to tell. I am used to saying inappropriate things to make people laugh. I have no problem sharing parts of my life in writing or telling stories around a fire or being the butt of jokes at parties. I really don't. But in the moments when these stories are actually happening the Anxiety builds up. I start to worry. I start to think of the possible outcomes. I entered the hospital already thinking I had a potentially serious problem. I spent the past 4 days worried. My mind was racing in all kinds of directions.
This was all because of my last appointment with my Physician. Dr. Christina did a physical check of my problem area and she felt something that needed to be checked. She wanted to rule out any physical issues before changing my meds.
I took a deep breath and I let the air out slowly.
"My left testicle."
"Oh. Okay. Let me look up the code for that." She clicked on the keyboard. "Why are you getting that checked?"
"Because my doctor told me too."
"But why? I need to find the right code."
I was thinking of the tent issue I was still experiencing. My mind was thinking I had a serious health issue. I was trying to control my mind and my body.
"Believe me, I do not think there is a code for what I have."